Actually anyone would be great, can a chi-stiff get a smooch here? No probably not, they all go to the stinky one or that horrible orange beast behind me. Worst. Day. Ever.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Worst Day #118
This ones for you ladies, please follow instructions!
Actually anyone would be great, can a chi-stiff get a smooch here? No probably not, they all go to the stinky one or that horrible orange beast behind me. Worst. Day. Ever.
Actually anyone would be great, can a chi-stiff get a smooch here? No probably not, they all go to the stinky one or that horrible orange beast behind me. Worst. Day. Ever.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Worst Day #365
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Worst Day #419
Its hard for me to type, I am still shaking from the trauma of what happened to me yesterday. I am not even sure if I can talk about it, but I suppose I can try. I was forced to...take....a....a.....BATH!!!! And it was as I am sure you can guess: the worst. Baths up are up on the list of things I hate most with beagles and bicycles. The round human even washed me with *shudder* baby shampoo, washing away my natural and wonderful manly smell. As if making me smell fresh wasn't bad enough she trimmed my nails, great how how will I tap dance? Get tiny tap shoes? I think not! I depended on those nails when I was showing off my sweet moves.
I thought things couldn't get any worse but as always, I was wrong, the Stinky one (even after the bath shes still foul) touched my Stripey Bear. An immediate bath was needed for him, but when I actually wanted one the round human was of course no where to be found. Probably off somewhere plotting the next way to torture me. So in my sopping wet despair I grabbed my Skunkie and told him of my sorrows but it wasn't the same as Stripey. A pizza would have helped, but all I got was dry brown cereal at the end the day making it truly the Worst. Day. Ever.
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I thought things couldn't get any worse but as always, I was wrong, the Stinky one (even after the bath shes still foul) touched my Stripey Bear. An immediate bath was needed for him, but when I actually wanted one the round human was of course no where to be found. Probably off somewhere plotting the next way to torture me. So in my sopping wet despair I grabbed my Skunkie and told him of my sorrows but it wasn't the same as Stripey. A pizza would have helped, but all I got was dry brown cereal at the end the day making it truly the Worst. Day. Ever.
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Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Worst Day #39
I am a very humble, super handsome, amazing, ladies man, and I don't ask for much besides a bed made of bacon, a daily back massage, my own phone line (for the ladies) and removal of the stinky one. And
maybe a website dedicated to me and my awesomeness, you know simple things. Do I get them no of course not my life is the worst, I protest these injustices everyday day in and day out. My protests go unheard, probably because I am weak with hunger, what does a dog have to do to get some better noms around here? Dry cereal day in and day out, nobody loves me! I mean look at this:
Ew! What I would like would be something simple like a pot of beef strew or a roasted turkey with all the trimmings, the things a chi-stiff like me deserves! And what do the humans eat! Well lets compare a picture of their dinner with mine:
Yeah that's right that's a pizza, with delicious, melty cheese, in case you were wondering; yes I love pizza, and no I don't get more than one tiny bite of crust and that's only if I can wrestle it away from the disgusting, drooling jaws of the beagle!
Seriously look at this mug, adorable! I think I need to start a Feed the Shippo campaign, who can resist this face!!
maybe a website dedicated to me and my awesomeness, you know simple things. Do I get them no of course not my life is the worst, I protest these injustices everyday day in and day out. My protests go unheard, probably because I am weak with hunger, what does a dog have to do to get some better noms around here? Dry cereal day in and day out, nobody loves me! I mean look at this:
Ew! What I would like would be something simple like a pot of beef strew or a roasted turkey with all the trimmings, the things a chi-stiff like me deserves! And what do the humans eat! Well lets compare a picture of their dinner with mine:
Yeah that's right that's a pizza, with delicious, melty cheese, in case you were wondering; yes I love pizza, and no I don't get more than one tiny bite of crust and that's only if I can wrestle it away from the disgusting, drooling jaws of the beagle!
Seriously look at this mug, adorable! I think I need to start a Feed the Shippo campaign, who can resist this face!!
Apparently everyone, even the pizza guy, sigh, Worst. Day. Ever.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Worst Day #68
So I haven't been able to blog much lately, it was a full moon and on a full moon I turn into a full mastiff like this:
Unfortunately no one is ever around to see it, but I promise you it happens. So with all that shape shifting I have been a little tired, but I had to blog today to tell the whole internets about my real.worst.worst.day.ever.
Yesterday to my horror I was loaded into the car next to the stinky one, the injustice began when she stole my bone and proceeded to chew it in front me me, I stole it back but it was too late she had touched it, it was defiled. The round human for once noticed my discomfort and put me into the front seat, though I didn't want to ride in her lap, I clearly called shotgun at the start of the drive. These people have got to learn Shipanese! They drove for hours and hours (I hoped perhaps to leave the crusty one in the country, laugh and drive of a chi-stiff can dream) finally arriving at. a. LAKE. That's right a large body of *shudder* water. I could only guess at their nefarious plans for me and the lake. Then as if it couldn't get any worse, it began to *shudder* rain!! I was forced to stand in the rain for what seems like days, and almost forced by the bald human into..the...LAKE!!! The stinky one stupidly stood there happily and even went into the lake, and did not sink as I hoped, stupid beagle. The only saving grace of the day is the humans camera couldn't get wet so there are no pictures of my suffering. I went home and had an emergency therapy session with stripey, grabbed a stuffy and took a long nap, and had nightmares about rain and lakes.
Yesterday to my horror I was loaded into the car next to the stinky one, the injustice began when she stole my bone and proceeded to chew it in front me me, I stole it back but it was too late she had touched it, it was defiled. The round human for once noticed my discomfort and put me into the front seat, though I didn't want to ride in her lap, I clearly called shotgun at the start of the drive. These people have got to learn Shipanese! They drove for hours and hours (I hoped perhaps to leave the crusty one in the country, laugh and drive of a chi-stiff can dream) finally arriving at. a. LAKE. That's right a large body of *shudder* water. I could only guess at their nefarious plans for me and the lake. Then as if it couldn't get any worse, it began to *shudder* rain!! I was forced to stand in the rain for what seems like days, and almost forced by the bald human into..the...LAKE!!! The stinky one stupidly stood there happily and even went into the lake, and did not sink as I hoped, stupid beagle. The only saving grace of the day is the humans camera couldn't get wet so there are no pictures of my suffering. I went home and had an emergency therapy session with stripey, grabbed a stuffy and took a long nap, and had nightmares about rain and lakes.
Me clutching my Garfield trying to ward off nightmares of the...lake...worst. day. ever.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Worst Day #85
I was going to make a list of all the things I hate, for easy reference for my readers, but I ran out of room. So instead I am going to make you a list of things I love, please refer to it for birthdays, Christmas, Saint Shippo's Day, and Mondays. Basically any day its necessary to by me a present.
Things Shippo doesn't Hate (too much):
1) Noms- its always worth the nom, I am especially fond of pizza crust, bananas, melon and jelly beans. Keep that in mind people.
2) My Stripey Bear- oh how I love him, hes my bff (bear friend forever)
3) The sound of my own voice- I love barking and howling, oh I love it. My voice is so wonderful, I am thinking of trying out for American Idol next year!
4) Ice Cream and Nuggets- These are separate from other noms. These are the ultimate noms, I get to ride in the car for these and make my demands into the talking food box and they suddenly appear! The best day ever would be when they finally make nugget ice cream, I am licking my chops just thinking about it!
5) My "Aunts" and "Uncles"- That's what I call any human who comes over a lot who isn't the bald or round human, they are mostly less horrible than those two.
6) My Stripey Bear- Yep hes on here twice!
That's right there are only 6 things I can think of that I don't totally hate. Sigh. I cant believe there are even 6 since every day is the Worst. Day. Ever.
Things Shippo doesn't Hate (too much):
1) Noms- its always worth the nom, I am especially fond of pizza crust, bananas, melon and jelly beans. Keep that in mind people.
2) My Stripey Bear- oh how I love him, hes my bff (bear friend forever)
3) The sound of my own voice- I love barking and howling, oh I love it. My voice is so wonderful, I am thinking of trying out for American Idol next year!
4) Ice Cream and Nuggets- These are separate from other noms. These are the ultimate noms, I get to ride in the car for these and make my demands into the talking food box and they suddenly appear! The best day ever would be when they finally make nugget ice cream, I am licking my chops just thinking about it!
5) My "Aunts" and "Uncles"- That's what I call any human who comes over a lot who isn't the bald or round human, they are mostly less horrible than those two.
6) My Stripey Bear- Yep hes on here twice!
That's right there are only 6 things I can think of that I don't totally hate. Sigh. I cant believe there are even 6 since every day is the Worst. Day. Ever.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Worst Day #43
So yesterday like always the round human hooked me to the torture lead and prepared to drag me around the neighborhood. It started of as a normal walk, pretty much the worst, when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, and suddenly I was staring face to face with this:
Being the brave chi-stiff that I am, I struggled to get out of my harness to defend the round human and throw the stinky one at the monster. Sure it may have looked like I was trying to back out my harness to run away but that was not the case. The noise of my struggle to save her caused the round human to actually pay attention and look my way, but the monster had changed, now it looked like this:
Clearly it is some kind of powerful shape shifter, fooling the round human and the stinky one into thinking its a cute "bunny". I had to endure laughs from the round human and sarcastic looks from the beagle at my almost flight over such a cute creature. Fools. That's what the monster wants them to think, so it can strike without them ever knowing its coming. Only I brave Shippo am aware of this threat. So today I have been lounging on the couch (normally I would be pumping iron or something) trying to look sick to get out of the daily walk, you never know where a rabbit could be lurking! Oh no I see the round human getting the leashes....
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I really hate bunnies. Worst. Day. Ever.
Being the brave chi-stiff that I am, I struggled to get out of my harness to defend the round human and throw the stinky one at the monster. Sure it may have looked like I was trying to back out my harness to run away but that was not the case. The noise of my struggle to save her caused the round human to actually pay attention and look my way, but the monster had changed, now it looked like this:
Clearly it is some kind of powerful shape shifter, fooling the round human and the stinky one into thinking its a cute "bunny". I had to endure laughs from the round human and sarcastic looks from the beagle at my almost flight over such a cute creature. Fools. That's what the monster wants them to think, so it can strike without them ever knowing its coming. Only I brave Shippo am aware of this threat. So today I have been lounging on the couch (normally I would be pumping iron or something) trying to look sick to get out of the daily walk, you never know where a rabbit could be lurking! Oh no I see the round human getting the leashes....
.JPG)
I really hate bunnies. Worst. Day. Ever.
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