Worst Day #68

So I haven't been able to blog much lately, it was a full moon and on a full moon I turn into a full mastiff like this:

Unfortunately no one is ever around to see it, but I promise you it happens. So with all that shape shifting I have been a little tired, but I had to blog today to tell the whole internets about my real.worst.worst.day.ever.

Yesterday to my horror I was loaded into the car next to the stinky one, the injustice began when she stole my bone and proceeded to chew it in front me me, I stole it back but it was too late she had touched it, it was defiled. The round human for once noticed my discomfort and put me into the front seat, though I didn't want to ride in her lap, I clearly called shotgun at the start of the drive. These people have got to learn Shipanese! They drove for hours and hours (I hoped perhaps to leave the crusty one in the country, laugh and drive of a chi-stiff can dream) finally arriving at. a. LAKE. That's right a large body of *shudder* water. I could only guess at their nefarious plans for me and the lake. Then as if it couldn't get any worse, it began to *shudder* rain!! I was forced to stand in the rain for what seems like days, and almost forced by the bald human into..the...LAKE!!! The stinky one stupidly stood there happily and even went into the lake, and did not sink as I hoped, stupid beagle. The only saving grace of the day is the humans camera couldn't get wet so there are no pictures of my suffering. I went home and had an emergency therapy session with stripey, grabbed a stuffy and took a long nap, and had nightmares about rain and lakes.

Me clutching my Garfield trying to ward off nightmares of the...lake...worst. day. ever.

Worst Day #85

I was going to make a list of all the things I hate, for easy reference for my readers, but I ran out of room. So instead I am going to make you a list of things I love, please refer to it for birthdays, Christmas, Saint Shippo's Day, and Mondays. Basically any day its necessary to by me a present.

Things Shippo doesn't Hate (too much):

1) Noms- its always worth the nom, I am especially fond of pizza crust, bananas, melon and jelly beans. Keep that in mind people.

2) My Stripey Bear- oh how I love him, hes my bff (bear friend forever)

3) The sound of my own voice- I love barking and howling, oh I love it. My voice is so wonderful, I am thinking of trying out for American Idol next year!

4) Ice Cream and Nuggets- These are separate from other noms. These are the ultimate noms, I get to ride in the car for these and make my demands into the talking food box and they suddenly appear! The best day ever would be when they finally make nugget ice cream, I am licking my chops just thinking about it!

5) My "Aunts" and "Uncles"- That's what I call any human who comes over a lot who isn't the bald or round human, they are mostly less horrible than those two.

6) My Stripey Bear- Yep hes on here twice!

That's right there are only 6 things I can think of that I don't totally hate. Sigh. I cant believe there are even 6 since every day is the Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day #43

So yesterday like always the round human hooked me to the torture lead and prepared to drag me around the neighborhood. It started of as a normal walk, pretty much the worst, when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, and suddenly I was staring face to face with this:

Being the brave chi-stiff that I am, I struggled to get out of my harness to defend the round human and throw the stinky one at the monster. Sure it may have looked like I was trying to back out my harness to run away but that was not the case. The noise of my struggle to save her caused the round human to actually pay attention and look my way, but the monster had changed, now it looked like this:

Clearly it is some kind of powerful shape shifter, fooling the round human and the stinky one into thinking its a cute "bunny". I had to endure laughs from the round human and sarcastic looks from the beagle at my almost flight over such a cute creature. Fools. That's what the monster wants them to think, so it can strike without them ever knowing its coming. Only I brave Shippo am aware of this threat. So today I have been lounging on the couch (normally I would be pumping iron or something) trying to look sick to get out of the daily walk, you never know where a rabbit could be lurking! Oh no I see the round human getting the leashes....

                                             I really hate bunnies. Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day #55

Oh no its raining out, oh how I hate the rain. I hate it, hate it, hate it! I hate it almost more than I hate the crusty one!!! I hate the way it feels on my paws and my handsome face, everyone knows I am made of sugar and will melt in the rain. What I hate most of all is how the round one and the bald one both make me go outside when its raining. I don't see them outside peeing in the rain! Sure when its a sunny day its nice to go out, stretch my legs and answer some pee mail, but when its raining why cant I have a free pass to pee in the basement? Apparently they want me to melt. The stinky one is too stupid to see how horrible the rain is and goes out and plays in it, clearly her brain is already jelly and can melt no further. Ugh rain rain go away! Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day #90000

Look at this face:

Could you deny it your breakfast? I ask you does this handsome chi-stiff not deserve at least half of what you have? Am I really expected to eat dry, brown cereal for every meal!?! Well the round human says no she wont share, she barely even shared some banana. Everyone knows banana is my favorite. I hate Mondays. Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day #12

Tandem dog leads, I would love to find the guy who invented those and bite him square on the butt. In the days of BSB or Before Stinky Beagle, one of the few things I had to look forward to everyday was a walk. A quick loop around the neighborhood, for me to stretch my legs, show off my guns and answer some pee mail. And then the crusty one came. Suddenly walks become something to dread, sure I still got to show off my guns but what lady is gonna notice me when I am walking with that beast! Then to add insult to injury to make her life easier the round human got a tandem lead. What kind of torture device is this you ask? Good question it hooks me to the beagle with a few mere inches separating us, it allows the lazy human to only have to hold one leash. I see her eyeing it now. No surprise shes ready to hook me to the torture leash, after denying me more than one piece of her breakfast. Fiendish. Worst. Day. Ever.

*Shippos note, no my owner is not so mean as to make us wear coats in the summer, I cleverly sabotaged all the cameras for fun, so these pictures are not recent and were taken obviously in the winter.
**Though I wouldn't put it past them to torture me with some kind of tee shirt in the summer....
***Sigh, worst.day.ever.

Worst Day #588

Me and The Beast, no I wont let my face be shown in a photo with her willingly.

This weekend the humans dragged me and the stinky one to the park. Oh joy walking around outside when its hot, Oh look a duck, Oh fun exercise, and Oh a sticky kid is trying to pet me, Best. Day. Ever. Not.

OK I admit its nice to sniff out a new place but it was HOT. And my handsomeness must have blinded most people passing by as they kept stopping to say how cute the beagle was, clearly the heat made them light headed. As if they wasn't disgusting enough, she clearly enjoyed the attention letting small sticky humans pet her, and their large keepers rub her tummy. Barf. The best part of the whole trip was when a swan almost attacked her, clearly I need to get to know this swan. It speaks my language! When we got home I was so hot I had to lay in my round bed near the A.C. for hours and my muscles ached from all that walking. Worst. Day. Ever.

Check out my guns in this picture, nice!