Worst Day #997

Its finally happened. One of my worst nightmares. Not my worst worst nightmare that involves a world wide nugget shortage but one that's close.... the bunnies have broken through the sanctity of the fence. Using their tiny devious babies they are able to fit through the openings in the fence and infiltrate my bathroom. What they have in mind I cant begin to fathom, I can only hope it involves eating the beagle first.

Yesterday I walked outside to this:

I bravely guarded the porch (not hid behind the grill as some might say) while the stinky one stupidly chased the beast around the yard, again fooled by the bunnies shape shifting ability, even as a baby its remarkable.  Eventually the round human was roused by my brave distress calls, and only laughed at how cute the bunny was.

As always the burden of being brave falls on me Shippo, I only hope my muscular manly shoulders can bear the weight alone. Some pizza or ice cream would probably help and also a nugget and maybe  a smooch, oh and don't turn of the light just in case a bunny sneaks in so I can um see it right away. Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day #70000000

Today was almost the Best. Day. Ever. Almost. Not quite. But almost.

When we returned from our daily walk, or as I like to call it hook Shippo to the torture lead and drag him around the neighborhood, we were waiting for the round human to shut the gate (I know it should be simple) and the stinky one took to digging under the fence. I angel that I am, did not partipate in this heinous act, even I know the safety the fence represents, it keeps the bunnies out! Once the round human finally managed to shut the gate, she came over to find the beast half way to china.

I would like to tell you as punishment she banished the stinky one for all time or put her in a rocket to the moon, something reasonable like that. But no she simply yelled at her to stop and denied her a treat when we came inside. Heres the best part though... I got a treat!!!! Thats right for once I came out on top!!! I know the fearsome creatures that could get in so I respect the fence and was rewarded!! As I said it was a almost the best. day. ever. The stinky one is so stupid I cant imagine this will be the last time digging, fingers crossed for that rocket to the moon.

Eventually the round human cracked and gave the drooling idiot a treat but not without giving me another half. Only half. I'm the good one! Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day #118

                        This ones for you ladies, please follow instructions!

Actually anyone would be great, can a chi-stiff get a smooch here? No probably not, they all go to the stinky one or that horrible orange beast behind me. Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day #365

I had to get online to tell the whole internets about the dark day that happened this weekend, the one year anniversary of the stinky one ruining my already awful life. Its been one year since my life went from bad to the worst. RIP happy Shippo. Please send baskets of noms and stripey bears to help through this difficult time to Shippo Bad 123 Worst Day Ever Road Hagerstown MD (no I don't no my address I am dog for crying out loud, its amazing I can type so well!)  I spent the weekend in mourning, reflecting on happier times and planning the demise of the beagle. Unfortunately planning her demise got in the way of my busy nap schedule so it will have to wait, maybe on her two year anniversary. But I am still feeling pretty depressed so like I said a basket of noms would really help me through this rough patch, chicken nuggets would make me have the best.day.ever. so I know nobody will send them. *sigh*Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day #419

Its hard for me to type, I am still shaking from the trauma of what happened to me yesterday. I am not even sure if I can talk about it, but I suppose I can try. I was forced to...take....a....a.....BATH!!!! And it was as I am sure you can guess: the worst. Baths up are up on the list of things I hate most with beagles and bicycles. The round human even washed me with *shudder* baby shampoo, washing away my natural and wonderful manly smell. As if making me smell fresh wasn't bad enough she trimmed my nails, great how how will I tap dance? Get tiny tap shoes? I think not! I depended on those nails when I was showing off my sweet moves.

I thought things couldn't get any worse but as always, I was wrong, the Stinky one (even after the bath shes still foul) touched my Stripey Bear. An immediate bath was needed for him, but when I actually wanted one the round human was of course no where to be found. Probably off somewhere plotting the next way to torture me. So in my sopping wet despair I grabbed my Skunkie and told him of my sorrows but it wasn't the same as Stripey. A pizza would have helped, but all I got was dry brown cereal at the end the day making it truly the Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day #39

I am a very humble, super handsome, amazing, ladies man, and I don't ask for much besides a bed made of bacon, a daily back massage, my own phone line (for the ladies) and removal of the stinky one. And
maybe a website dedicated to me and my awesomeness, you know simple things. Do I get them no of course not my life is the worst, I protest these injustices everyday day in and day out. My protests go unheard, probably because I am weak with hunger, what does a dog have to do to get some better noms around here? Dry cereal day in and day out, nobody loves me! I mean look at this:

Ew! What I would like would be something simple like a pot of beef strew or a roasted turkey with all the trimmings, the things a chi-stiff like me deserves! And what do the humans eat! Well lets compare a picture of their dinner with mine:

Yeah that's right that's a pizza, with delicious, melty cheese, in case you were wondering; yes I love pizza, and no I don't get more than one tiny bite of crust and that's only if I can wrestle it away from the disgusting, drooling jaws of the beagle!

 Seriously look at this mug, adorable!  I think I need to start a Feed the Shippo campaign, who can resist this face!!

Apparently everyone, even the pizza guy, sigh, Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day #68

So I haven't been able to blog much lately, it was a full moon and on a full moon I turn into a full mastiff like this:

Unfortunately no one is ever around to see it, but I promise you it happens. So with all that shape shifting I have been a little tired, but I had to blog today to tell the whole internets about my real.worst.worst.day.ever.

Yesterday to my horror I was loaded into the car next to the stinky one, the injustice began when she stole my bone and proceeded to chew it in front me me, I stole it back but it was too late she had touched it, it was defiled. The round human for once noticed my discomfort and put me into the front seat, though I didn't want to ride in her lap, I clearly called shotgun at the start of the drive. These people have got to learn Shipanese! They drove for hours and hours (I hoped perhaps to leave the crusty one in the country, laugh and drive of a chi-stiff can dream) finally arriving at. a. LAKE. That's right a large body of *shudder* water. I could only guess at their nefarious plans for me and the lake. Then as if it couldn't get any worse, it began to *shudder* rain!! I was forced to stand in the rain for what seems like days, and almost forced by the bald human into..the...LAKE!!! The stinky one stupidly stood there happily and even went into the lake, and did not sink as I hoped, stupid beagle. The only saving grace of the day is the humans camera couldn't get wet so there are no pictures of my suffering. I went home and had an emergency therapy session with stripey, grabbed a stuffy and took a long nap, and had nightmares about rain and lakes.

Me clutching my Garfield trying to ward off nightmares of the...lake...worst. day. ever.