Worst Day # 33333

                                        

     Worst, worst, worst, worst, worst, worst, worst day ever!

I should have known from the minute I walked into the kitchen to be served my breakfast today was going to the worst! Not only was there no kibble (barf) being served but there was no water! Every time there is no water one us gets dragged to..the...vet....

When the round human loaded me into the car I held out hope it was for a nugget run, but alas it wasn't so. When we pulled into the vet my hopes sank for good, the forecast for my day grim.   More of my blood was immediately  harvested, for what I am sure will be black market sale. I heard them talking about a dental cleaning, a dental! Do these Doctors truly understand chi-stiff teeth? Our ancestors are believed to be sharks, because of our rows and rows of magnificent pearly white choppers. Before I could explain this I was unconscious. When I awoke my teeth felt achy but intact. But that wasn't the bad part, the bad part is the growth I was working on under my arm was gone! This too I can only assume for black market sale, its a well known fact chi-stiffs store pockets of manliness and handsomeness in growths on their bodies.  I had been working on that growth for months, and now gone!

On the ride home I hoped for nuggets or perhaps so ice cream to lift my spirits. When we stopped at the pet store my spirits soared! However instead of being rewarded with a bone, a toy or a treat, I was taken inside and fitted for the cone of shame. Worst. Day. Ever.

                                                                Cone.of. Shame.





Worst Day #902

The humans have been doing something called "home improvement" and I don’t like it one bit. First of all what do they have to improve on; they already have the best thing anyone could hope for! A handsome chi-stiff flexing his guns on the couch. I try to stay near the window at all times so lady dogs can see me and be amazed at my manly handsomeness and neighbors can see me and be jealous. I do that as a service to the humans. So why they thought this house needed anything else I don’t know.

I awoke several days ago not the smell of pancakes cooking as I hoped but a horrible chopping sound. It’s a well known fact chi-stiffs have amazing hearing, I can in fact hear a grasshopper tap dance, so any loud noise is unbearable. It’s not that I am scared it’s just that my sensitive super hero powered ears hurt.

I ran to the window to see what the commotion was and saw 100's of "workers" that looked like this:

They were chopping down a tree, ripping the gutters off , painting and most likely getting ready to eat brains or worse nuggets meant for me.

I alerted the humans to the presence of this zombie worker horde as soon I could. But it became quickly apparent that like bunnies these monsters possessed shape shifting powers. The humans assured me it was just 5 nice guys out working on the house, helping them clean it up. In my desperation I even roused the snorty one in hopes he could help me defend the house, he got up and immediately began barking at the wall. Sigh.

Once again it was left to brave Shippo to defend the house for a whole weekend. I was on high alert every day. Did I get a medal? No of course not. A parade to celebrate my bravery? HA! Did I even get a nugget? Are you kidding! No what I got was squirted with water and told to stop barking. Worst. Day. Ever.

Silenced. For now.



Worst Day # 11




This blog took me a long time to write. I have been very confused. Something strange happened to me and I don't like it. You see I felt emotions, and not the normal ones I feel hate, and despair for myself, but sadness for someone else. And not just anyone else but my nemesis the stinky one.

It all started about a month or so ago, the humans left with only the beagle. I assumed to take her on a tour of a nugget factory or something else I would love, simply because I was left at home as usual. They later returned without her, I didn't notice at the time but I guess they were upset, I was upset at the lack of nuggets they returned with and weak with hunger as they were gone for hours. As the day went on and she still didn't return I could only assume that she was at some kind of an awesome overnight camp, probably having nuggets and ice cream.  So I did what I would normally do in that situation and made sure to lay in all of her favorite spots covering them with my man musk, touch all her things and refused to eat my kibbles on principle.

As the days passed by I began to notice a few things. 1) The stinky one was not returning. 2) The humans were upset and for some reason this upset me. 3) I was upset, why was I upset my enemy was gone?!

Where are you beagle?

                                                               

The stinky one still has not returned. It has been over a month and there is no sign of her. In this time I have felt emotions, and I don't like it. I seem to miss her despite my best intentions to hate her. Apparently it is possible to love thy enemy. I realize nugget camp shouldn't last this long and I fear the worst. I suspect the orange assassin and the snorty one. The humans seem distraught, and make strange noises and begin to leak at the mention of her, this I feel is also a bad sign.

With the stink beagle being gone I am left on with that imbecile the snorty one, hes hardly a worthy adversary. He often barks at the wall for no reason and gets stuck under blankets. The beagle: now there was an enemy you could really be proud of. She always stole my bones, destroyed my things and took my spot on the bed. I was easily able to outsmart the ewok and take his bone today, its hardly even fun anymore. I.miss.the.beagle.Worst.Day.Ever.

RIP Sookie Aka "The Stinky One" & "The Beagle"
We miss you.
Even Shippo.

                                             

Worst Day #50000000

Warning graphic crime scene photos ahead. Those with a weak stomach should turn back now, though honestly if you have a weak stomach I don't know how you could stand to read about my terrible life at all. As you can see in the photo below there has been a murder and to my horror the perpetrators remain free to be snorty, stinky and eat all my noms. This past weekend was a travesty in justice from start to finish.

Goodbye Beloved Snort!

It all started on Saturday, I awoke late and feeling refreshed having dreamed of the demise of my numerous enemies and my rise to power in a Kingdom of nuggets. With stripey bear still away in witness protection I decided to look for my old friend Snort (not to be confused with the snorty one). To my horror instead of coming across my handsome red friend I came across his dead, dissected corpse, stuffing everywhere, squeaker torn out and his head ripped from his body. Worse yet I spied both the beagle and ewok close by with stuffing around their horrible jaws. I ran immediately to get the humans who simply shooed us all away from the scene and promptly destroyed all evidence.

I was furious and decided the only course of action was to continue my hunger strike. As I mentioned before it takes a truly brave chi-stiff to decide on this course of action, but I being not only brave but handsome fit the bill. Around 6pm I began my hunger strike and initially I felt I made progress. Though the bald human pleaded with me to eat, I steadfastly denied him, even with visions of nuggets dancing in my head.

Power to the Shippo, bend to my will!

Finally I thought, though weak with hunger I would win, I would show these humans my pain and be rid of the two dog demons that plague me. Then in my barely conscious state I heard the round human speak bone chilling words I will never forget " Hes had 15 minutes to eat it Chris, let Sookie have it. And since he didn't eat any dinner no treats or bones tonight. "

Or maybe not....

WHAT!!!!! COULD SHE MEAN ME? LET THE BEAGLE EAT MY CHOW!!!! NEVER! But it was too late no sooner had the round human made her dark decree than the beagle dove in, finishing my food in two bites. And the cruel humans stuck to their word, I got no noms that night. No nuggets, no bones, no pancakes, no jelly beans, no nothing. Just a growling in my stomach and the knowledge that Snorts death would go unavenged. The next morning I was given an extra helping of dry cereal which I ate, but with a scowl on my face. Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day #8002

I decided to go on a Hunger Strike in protest to the presence of the snorty one, lack of nuggets and my general displeasure at my life. The first few days it didn't go so well, I didn't realize that when you are on a hunger strike you must skip your food and in fact go hungry!!! Its a well known fact that chi-stiffs have a super efficient metabolism, how else do we stay so slim and handsome, and skipping meals is a special kind of torture for us. However my life is terrible enough I felt this was necessary to make a point and last night I really held out.

It was torment. First I thought of these:

With my mouth already watering I thought of this:

Then these fluffy stacks of heaven popped into my mind:

Still I resisted, my willpower almost Godlike. Now I felt the round human will really see how I feel, now I will finally get some justice! Even the dry cereal I am normally fed was looking appetizing! But I stayed strong and held out until I felt sure I had made my point.

Weak with starvation I crawled to my dry cereal and dove in. As I was eating I noticed the round human giving the stinky one a treat, while I handsome, brave and starving Shippo ate dry boring kibble. Then like a slap in the face she handed a treat to the chunky one! Did my hunger mean nothing to her? Had my protest gone unnoticed, I realized tortured myself was thoughts of nuggets I couldn't have for nothing! That hunger strike was the worst 2 minutes of my life and apparently it was all for nothing. Worst. Day. Ever.

                       Still weak from hunger, I plot my next move for justice!

Worst Day # 212

One of my brilliant plans backfired on me. I know I was shocked too. Chi-stiffs are known not only for their good looks and huge muscles but for their gigantic brains too. I can only assume it was left over adrenaline from battling the bombs in sky all weekend that forced me to commit this lapse in my normally flawless judgement.

As I mentioned in my last blog I was/am in need of a highly trained assassin. Cats are known for being dubious and terrible creatures so I thought perhaps one of the awful felines that populate this house could help me out. I decided to hire the big orange smelly cat to assassinate the snorty one. Our plan was fool proof he was to strike when the humans were at work. I was sure nothing could wrong...

                                                               Pure Evil!

The mangy cat decided to attempt his assassination in front of the humans! I can only assume he didn't want me to implicate him in the crime so he went after me too! We were all watching TV, the ewok of course in my spot, and me being denied noms, when that tuna breathed fool struck! He chased us both waving his terrible claws at us! I bravely ran away and hide behind the round human, but only so she didn't think I was in cahoots with him. Normally I totally could have taken him with one paw behind my back!

                                                      Defeated....this time......

The attempt obviously failed earning an extra biscuit for the snorty one and a treat for stinky one, nothing even happened to her she was oblivious in the chair as always. What did I get? Well a treat but that's not the point, the point is my life is the worst! Now I am stuck with the snorty one, the stinky one and my new nemesis the orange hairball machine. Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day #72

I thought there was nothing worse than a beagle. But I was wrong, I was so very wrong. Because along came the snorty one, the unholy love child of an ewok, a platypus and a pug and hes ruining my life, as if it could get anymore ruined!

First off he keeps touching my things, MY THINGS! He chewed the ears off my fox and my stripey bear had to be rescued and put into witness protection. Now stripey's changed his name and I cant find him.
I miss my bff!

Also now the noms are split three ways. It was bad enough when they were split between me and the stinky one but now the chunky one is stealing all my delicious treats. As if those things werent bad enough, he also stole my spot on the bed! I sleep next to the bald human, its not that I like the bald human so much its just that's my spot and my human , these are things I own not the puggy one and I don't appreciate this interloper.

I spend most of my days weeping now, for when things were simple and it was just the beagle and I. Here is the last photo known of stripey and I, if you see him on the street don't say hi, I fear for his life! A photo from happier days, please send nuggets or a highly trained assassin. Worst. Day. Ever.