Worst Day #3

Whhhhhyyyyyyy????!??!?!?!??!??!

This weekend was the worst, worst, worst, worst, worst day ever!!!!!! Why? Because another dog has been adopted! What!? I know that’s what I said!! Look at his goofy mug, pug mix that’s worse than a beagle! Which FYI when did I ever say I didn’t love the beagle? She’s the greatest! Compared to this new beast she’s my bff! Let me list the reasons I hate this new snorting interloper.


1) He snorts, really lame!

2) He never barks, um all dogs like the sound of their voice, clearly he’s really some kind of small bear, platypus or ewok perhaps a mix of all 3 somehow.

3) He has a bigger under bite than me, an under bite was my thing and trust me he doesn’t look handsome with his.

4) His name is Maximus Chunk, really! My name is Captain Stuntman Shippo Alowishus Badorrek the 4th, yeah beat that Chunk!

5) He touches my stuff and tries to get me to play, I don’t play I sit on the couch and look cool in case any ladies happen by.

Ugh look at that goofy, snorty grin!

Sigh, it really is just terrible. He and the beagle are like super friends; obviously neither of them has much brain power. Ok I admit once or twice I may have complained about the stinky one, and true she is sick and it’s nice to give her what she wants (I guess grumble) but really a snorty one? Ugh it’s the Worst. Day. Ever!

Worst Day #19

Vicki Wenderlich's June Wall Paper Featuring Me!

I'm famous! I have been used as a muse in my  Aunt Vicki's latest graphic design project. And if I do say so myself she couldn't have gotten a more handsome specimen, look at me, ladies swoon at the sight of me! And I suppose her art is pretty good too. I feel like she really captured my rugged manly chi-stiff good looks. Especially my pearly white chops, people tremble at the sight of those shark jaws!  I was only a little upset that she didn't include a list of things I hate on her website, in case people want to send gifts after seeing me, which I assume they will.

You would think I might get some attention from the round human and the bald human, after all I am now immortalized in art and obviously soon to be rich and famous. But no nothing, not even some extra green beans at dinner. I didn't even bother to hope for a nugget. Even though soon I will be more famous than the statue of David, I get no love around here! I am sure if it was the Beagle who was made into art there would have been a parade. Perhaps I should become the next Taco Bell dog I hear they are looking or maybe the Mc Donald's spokesdog. At least then I would get some nuggets! Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day # 682

Today was the worst. WORST. day.ever. I mean it really was one indignity after the other. It all started when I was thrown into the car early in morning, before I had my morning nap even, and forced to sit next to the stinky one for what seemed to be an eternity. At first I was hopeful thinking early morning nugget run? But my hopes were crushed, like my spirit when we arrived at the VET CLINIC. I am oh so lucky*sarcasm* that the round human works there. So instead of an appointment that's over quickly, I have to wait all day for my torture while she works, trapped in a cage next to the beagle!

When my time finally came for my exam, I assumed it would consist mostly of the Doctor remarking how handsome I am, how she had never seen a finer canine specimen and perhaps a treat. Boy was I wrong. I was given vaccines with the worlds biggest needles, I am certain they were two times bigger than those used on the stinky one. Then my precious blood was stolen from my veins, no doubt for black market sale. Its a well known fact chi-stiff blood holds powerful magic. Then instead of being asked the question "Po have you been working out?" like I expected I was told I needed to lose a few pounds! What I am practically starving as it is!!! The Doctor commented perhaps I should lay off the nuggets, lay off the nuggets? As if I ever get any nuggets!

As if all of these atrocities weren't enough the round human gave me a bath! A bath erasing my natural man musk! What lady dog will want me now? All shiny and clean smelling? I was so upset I couldn't even take pleasure in watching the stinky one get a bath too. FYI she still stinks and on the ride back home I was trapped next to her and her horrid wet beagle stench.

Did I arrive home to hero's parade? A nugget? Some ice cream perhaps. No I was given a reduced calorie biscuit and left alone. I tried to have a restful nap and forget my troubles but I kept having nightmares. In each nightmare they took my temperature over and over, I wont even tell you where...Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day #9

I have a love-hate relationship with spring.

I love when it warms up, Shippo's are creatures of the sun! I love to lay out in the yard sun my glorious belly and show off my guns for any lady dogs that happens by. I hate when tiny sticky humans come near my fence, but I love scaring them away with my super manly ferocious bark!

Sadly one of my favored enemies is rain. April showers bring an unhappy Shippo.  The humans seem to delight in torturing me and forcing me outside when it rains, the cats pee inside why cant I? I also really really hate thunderstorms. Not because I am afraid of them but because my stripey bear is.

This picture makes me look like I was hiding from the storm, which I wasn't I was protecting my stripey he was afraid and hid under the pillows.  Certainly I wasn't scared. I was just being manly and comforting a friend. I'm not afraid of anything...

Instead of staying sunny all day so I can work on my tan, I hear storms are coming. Lady dogs everywhere suffer because my six pack wont be out in the sun, it will be under the blanket hid...er protecting my bff. Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day #10000000

Long time no blog, I know. You must be thinking I have been having the Best.Day.Ever. well you would almost be right. You see for awhile I was. My amazing voodoo skills finally worked and the beagle was sick! It was all I could do to contain my bliss at the thought of life without the stinky one, well I learned what you wish for isn't always what you want.

You see once the smelly one got sick everyone only loved her more! She got ALL the attention, ALL the toys and worst of all, ALL THE NOMS! No matter how cute and sad I looked the round one only worried about stupid beagle. I thought perhaps if I had a tiny injury or sickness myself I might get some of those nuggets. So I "fell" off the couch "injuring" my knee. All that did was get me put on a diet, a DIET! The stinky one gets kisses and ice cream, I get reduced calorie food and cage confinement. No justice, none. So I have stopped my death dance and even I am pulling for the beagle now. Sigh. Cant catch a break.

                                                        I howl: Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day #31

Here are three reasons why I hate howl-o-ween:

Reason 1: First Mate No Pants, oh the humiliation!

Reason Number 2: Sigh a pig costume, really...

Reason #3: Shippo Godzilla wants to smash!!!

And as if these three reasons weren't enough, dogs don't get chocolate so no howl-o-ween noms for me! Oh and do you see pictures of the stinky one, no you don't just me.... Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day #989

 I thought the list of things I hated couldn't get any longer..... I was wrong. While I was "vacation" I discovered this new nemesis:

A pool table. Who invented this torture! This "game" is awful. I am certain those sticks are to skewer me and the sound of those rocks banging together made me want to howl. So I did. A lot. The humans took great pleasure in this "game" and the stinky one of course seemed oblivious. I bravely hid in the closet, since of course no one cared about my pain. This was almost worse than camping with all that wood chopping, fire, and rain. Sigh, I can never catch a break.

                                                         Worst. Day. Ever.