Worst Day #50000000

Warning graphic crime scene photos ahead. Those with a weak stomach should turn back now, though honestly if you have a weak stomach I don't know how you could stand to read about my terrible life at all. As you can see in the photo below there has been a murder and to my horror the perpetrators remain free to be snorty, stinky and eat all my noms. This past weekend was a travesty in justice from start to finish.

Goodbye Beloved Snort!

It all started on Saturday, I awoke late and feeling refreshed having dreamed of the demise of my numerous enemies and my rise to power in a Kingdom of nuggets. With stripey bear still away in witness protection I decided to look for my old friend Snort (not to be confused with the snorty one). To my horror instead of coming across my handsome red friend I came across his dead, dissected corpse, stuffing everywhere, squeaker torn out and his head ripped from his body. Worse yet I spied both the beagle and ewok close by with stuffing around their horrible jaws. I ran immediately to get the humans who simply shooed us all away from the scene and promptly destroyed all evidence.

I was furious and decided the only course of action was to continue my hunger strike. As I mentioned before it takes a truly brave chi-stiff to decide on this course of action, but I being not only brave but handsome fit the bill. Around 6pm I began my hunger strike and initially I felt I made progress. Though the bald human pleaded with me to eat, I steadfastly denied him, even with visions of nuggets dancing in my head.

Power to the Shippo, bend to my will!

Finally I thought, though weak with hunger I would win, I would show these humans my pain and be rid of the two dog demons that plague me. Then in my barely conscious state I heard the round human speak bone chilling words I will never forget " Hes had 15 minutes to eat it Chris, let Sookie have it. And since he didn't eat any dinner no treats or bones tonight. "

Or maybe not....

WHAT!!!!! COULD SHE MEAN ME? LET THE BEAGLE EAT MY CHOW!!!! NEVER! But it was too late no sooner had the round human made her dark decree than the beagle dove in, finishing my food in two bites. And the cruel humans stuck to their word, I got no noms that night. No nuggets, no bones, no pancakes, no jelly beans, no nothing. Just a growling in my stomach and the knowledge that Snorts death would go unavenged. The next morning I was given an extra helping of dry cereal which I ate, but with a scowl on my face. Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day #8002

I decided to go on a Hunger Strike in protest to the presence of the snorty one, lack of nuggets and my general displeasure at my life. The first few days it didn't go so well, I didn't realize that when you are on a hunger strike you must skip your food and in fact go hungry!!! Its a well known fact that chi-stiffs have a super efficient metabolism, how else do we stay so slim and handsome, and skipping meals is a special kind of torture for us. However my life is terrible enough I felt this was necessary to make a point and last night I really held out.

It was torment. First I thought of these:

With my mouth already watering I thought of this:

Then these fluffy stacks of heaven popped into my mind:

Still I resisted, my willpower almost Godlike. Now I felt the round human will really see how I feel, now I will finally get some justice! Even the dry cereal I am normally fed was looking appetizing! But I stayed strong and held out until I felt sure I had made my point.

Weak with starvation I crawled to my dry cereal and dove in. As I was eating I noticed the round human giving the stinky one a treat, while I handsome, brave and starving Shippo ate dry boring kibble. Then like a slap in the face she handed a treat to the chunky one! Did my hunger mean nothing to her? Had my protest gone unnoticed, I realized tortured myself was thoughts of nuggets I couldn't have for nothing! That hunger strike was the worst 2 minutes of my life and apparently it was all for nothing. Worst. Day. Ever.

                       Still weak from hunger, I plot my next move for justice!

Worst Day # 212

One of my brilliant plans backfired on me. I know I was shocked too. Chi-stiffs are known not only for their good looks and huge muscles but for their gigantic brains too. I can only assume it was left over adrenaline from battling the bombs in sky all weekend that forced me to commit this lapse in my normally flawless judgement.

As I mentioned in my last blog I was/am in need of a highly trained assassin. Cats are known for being dubious and terrible creatures so I thought perhaps one of the awful felines that populate this house could help me out. I decided to hire the big orange smelly cat to assassinate the snorty one. Our plan was fool proof he was to strike when the humans were at work. I was sure nothing could wrong...

                                                               Pure Evil!

The mangy cat decided to attempt his assassination in front of the humans! I can only assume he didn't want me to implicate him in the crime so he went after me too! We were all watching TV, the ewok of course in my spot, and me being denied noms, when that tuna breathed fool struck! He chased us both waving his terrible claws at us! I bravely ran away and hide behind the round human, but only so she didn't think I was in cahoots with him. Normally I totally could have taken him with one paw behind my back!

                                                      Defeated....this time......

The attempt obviously failed earning an extra biscuit for the snorty one and a treat for stinky one, nothing even happened to her she was oblivious in the chair as always. What did I get? Well a treat but that's not the point, the point is my life is the worst! Now I am stuck with the snorty one, the stinky one and my new nemesis the orange hairball machine. Worst. Day. Ever.