Worst Day #55

Oh no its raining out, oh how I hate the rain. I hate it, hate it, hate it! I hate it almost more than I hate the crusty one!!! I hate the way it feels on my paws and my handsome face, everyone knows I am made of sugar and will melt in the rain. What I hate most of all is how the round one and the bald one both make me go outside when its raining. I don't see them outside peeing in the rain! Sure when its a sunny day its nice to go out, stretch my legs and answer some pee mail, but when its raining why cant I have a free pass to pee in the basement? Apparently they want me to melt. The stinky one is too stupid to see how horrible the rain is and goes out and plays in it, clearly her brain is already jelly and can melt no further. Ugh rain rain go away! Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day #90000

Look at this face:

Could you deny it your breakfast? I ask you does this handsome chi-stiff not deserve at least half of what you have? Am I really expected to eat dry, brown cereal for every meal!?! Well the round human says no she wont share, she barely even shared some banana. Everyone knows banana is my favorite. I hate Mondays. Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day #12

Tandem dog leads, I would love to find the guy who invented those and bite him square on the butt. In the days of BSB or Before Stinky Beagle, one of the few things I had to look forward to everyday was a walk. A quick loop around the neighborhood, for me to stretch my legs, show off my guns and answer some pee mail. And then the crusty one came. Suddenly walks become something to dread, sure I still got to show off my guns but what lady is gonna notice me when I am walking with that beast! Then to add insult to injury to make her life easier the round human got a tandem lead. What kind of torture device is this you ask? Good question it hooks me to the beagle with a few mere inches separating us, it allows the lazy human to only have to hold one leash. I see her eyeing it now. No surprise shes ready to hook me to the torture leash, after denying me more than one piece of her breakfast. Fiendish. Worst. Day. Ever.

*Shippos note, no my owner is not so mean as to make us wear coats in the summer, I cleverly sabotaged all the cameras for fun, so these pictures are not recent and were taken obviously in the winter.
**Though I wouldn't put it past them to torture me with some kind of tee shirt in the summer....
***Sigh, worst.day.ever.

Worst Day #588

Me and The Beast, no I wont let my face be shown in a photo with her willingly.

This weekend the humans dragged me and the stinky one to the park. Oh joy walking around outside when its hot, Oh look a duck, Oh fun exercise, and Oh a sticky kid is trying to pet me, Best. Day. Ever. Not.

OK I admit its nice to sniff out a new place but it was HOT. And my handsomeness must have blinded most people passing by as they kept stopping to say how cute the beagle was, clearly the heat made them light headed. As if they wasn't disgusting enough, she clearly enjoyed the attention letting small sticky humans pet her, and their large keepers rub her tummy. Barf. The best part of the whole trip was when a swan almost attacked her, clearly I need to get to know this swan. It speaks my language! When we got home I was so hot I had to lay in my round bed near the A.C. for hours and my muscles ached from all that walking. Worst. Day. Ever.

Check out my guns in this picture, nice!

Worst Day #22

A lady friend asked me for a photo so I was going through my glamour shots on the computer today when I came across this picture:

Clearly this is evidence the humans have been drugging me, those fiends! As I would never willingly lay that close to the stinky one, and I have no memory of this supposed "cuddle". I will add this to the folder I am compiling of the outrages heaped on me. But in the meantime just viewing that picture makes me need to take a bath. And I hate baths almost as much as I hate beagles. Almost.... Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day #1400

Recently my favorite Aunt and Uncle, the tall skinny humans, moved away for the summer. I can only assume it was an attempt to escape the stink of the crusty hound, and for that I cant blame them. However I know they really miss me and as such have been emailing daily to make sure my days aren't too bad (they are).

Last week they emailed to inform of another great injustice that has happened to me, there was a doggie parade where they live in NY. Was I in this parade? NO! Have I ever gotten a parade? NO! Did I even get a walk today? NO! Below are some of the pictures they took to document this terrible injustice. I assume when they come back the tall skinny ones intend to rectify this with a parade in my honor. One dog even got to ride in a boat, know what I did today? Lay in the hot, wet yard and chew on a bone, defiantly not march in a parade thrown in my honor. In fact while I was trying to chew on the meager treat thrown my way the crusty one came up and tried to steal it from me.

Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day #787

My humans, bleh, they always think they know whats good for me. If they would take the time to learn Shipponese (its the second most popular language in the world) it would make communicating so much easier, but alas they of course don't. Last summer about 2ish years into my time with the bald human and the round human, things were ok. Don't get me wrong every day was still the worst but at least I knew what to expect. Somewhere in the twisted brains of one of the humans they hatched the idea to add another dog into the mix!

Why I am not sure as clearly I am the most handsome, wonderful, amazing dog anyone could want. Something about I seemed to enjoy playing with other dogs. Sure at their houses! My life is the worst all I have is my awesome stripey bear and my bed, I don't want another dog touching my stuff!?! Last August they took me over the slammer to visit with this crusty beagle. I took an immediate dislike to her and tried to make it clear by chasing her all over the place. I assumed this would be my last encounter with that wretched beast. I was wrong.

About a week later they took me back to slammer, I assumed so I could taunt another inmate, and to my horror the crusty beagle was back and was loaded into MY car by MY bald human! BETRAYAL!!!!!!!!!! On the way home I kept hoping we would drop her somewhere on the side of the road, laugh and drive away, but no we brought her all the way home! Look at this dopey face, see what they subject me to!

Now I have to live out my time here tortured by 6 horrible felines, 2 ridiculous humans and 1 stinky, dopey, stupid hound, who *shudder* likes to make the humans happy, steals my bones, sleeps on my bed, uses my bath room, plays with my favorite Aunts and Uncles and the worst horror of all touches my stripey bear! Sigh, a handsome chi-stiff never gets a break, everyday is just the Worst. Day. Ever.

Worst Day #382

Hi my name is Shippo, I am a chi-stiff (Chihuahua Mastiff mix), ladies man, excellent dancer and professional eater and everyday is my worst day ever. Just when I think it can’t get any worse, the next day comes and its and somehow, some way its worse then the day before. Let me tell you my story.

Way back in 2007 I was sitting in the slammer, on death row (I was framed) when these two humans came in and sprung me. I paid them back by coming to their house and peeing on everything, eating some chow and chasing their cats, and assumed then I would be on my merry way. I made my escape out the back door only to be caught by the big angry human and taken by the girly rounder human to...the vet...and....well lets just say I lost two good friends after that. I thought that nothing more terrible than that could ever happen to me, but I was wrong.

And thus began my new life as a reformed street dog, each day I think it cant get any worse, but then it does. Sometimes its rain, sometimes loud noises, sometimes its the humans, sometimes its my favorite enemy the orange cat, sometimes I cant find my stripey bear, sometimes they put me in a sweater or Worst of all sometimes its my sister...the beagle...whatever it is it always ends with me concluding its the Worst. Day. Ever.